Open Letter Series: We Can’t Be a Stripper, Model and Betty Crocker at the Same Time

This is the first of many open letters to people who just don’t have common sense though claim to be so right about everything. My first target–men.

Dear Men,

This letter was written out of sheer desperation, frustration and disgust at your constant stupid demands of us women on how we look, act, dress and just overall exist.   In marriages today us women are held to a standard that most men can’t even think about obtaining nevertheless maintaining. You see women are supposed to move in the bedroom like a stripper, look like a model, cook like Betty Crocker, be a great mom like Claire Huxtable and manage money like Bill Gates. Where did I get these expectations you may ask? Of course I got these images from the many married men who I see all over social media talking about what their wives (and future wives) must do to keep (and get) a ring on their fingers. To add insult to injury, most of these men don’t even begin to possess any of the positive traits they want in their women.


At first when I saw these type of posts/updates/pictures on social media I would get mad and get into a typing battle with Mr.(Insert your husband/man/brother’s name). Then after a while I would roll my eyes and mutter, “man please” and go on about my day. But I think there has come a time where me as a wife has to address some of the foolish expectations men have of their wives and women in general.

As a wife we have a duty to the Proverbs 31 wife. That is a wife who is faithful, respectful, nurturing, fiscally responsible, healthy, resourceful, conscious of time, and possesses inner beauty. These are all traits that are sure to not only keep a woman happy but her family happy. In times before ours the majority of men respected a woman’s many responsibilities and “cut her slack” if she didn’t have on her sexy face every day.
However, today many men look at the outward appearance of their mates and end up having their wives trying to be everything but what they need to be—a good wife. Nowhere in Proverbs 31 does it ask for a wife to have all the superficial characteristics that some men put on us wives.
The other day I was staring in the mirror at my stretch marked stomach when my husband asked what was wrong with me. I mumbled that I needed to get rid of those marks. He looked at me like I was crazy and replied, “you can’t be perfect” and walked away shaking his head at my antics. Just that comment made me happy because my husband recognized that I can’t be perfect.
Husbands have to realize that having their wives wear too many “hats” can cause unrealistic standards that cannot be maintained. Right now there are wives who are trying to keep up a superficial reality to keep their husbands happy. There’s nothing wrong with looking good but when expectations are unrealistic it’s never healthy. When I first had my daughter in 2008, I was determined to lose the weight. I was working out two hours a day for at least an hour a day—all in an attempt to look good for my husband. Unfortunately I tore a muscle and almost hurt myself really badly. As I set in the doctor’s office and explained my foolish behavior both my doctor and husband and to let me know—I could not be perfect no matter how bad I wanted it.
In the end, there will be days where I can move like a stripper, look like a model, cook like Betty Crocker, be a great mom like Claire Huxtable and manage money like Bill Gates. But the reality is that there will be more days where I am the Proverbs 31 wife—and I’m fine with that.
What do you think do men put too much on women to wear all hats in a marriage?

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Written by BossyGirl1980

Here I am 32 and accidentally a mother of three, naturalista, wife, business woman, budding socialite and self proclaimed “runnergirl”. Follow me on my journey of living the fab life while trying to maintain my sanity. In 2010 I lost over 30 pounds by embracing exercise and running as a pastime. This is your place for everything it takes to be a BossyGirl .

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About BossyGirl1980

Here I am 32 and accidentally a mother of three, naturalista, wife, business woman, budding socialite and self proclaimed "runnergirl". Follow me on my journey of living the fab life while trying to maintain my sanity. In 2010 I lost over 30 pounds by embracing exercise and running as a pastime. This is your place for everything it takes to be a BossyGirl .
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5 Responses to Open Letter Series: We Can’t Be a Stripper, Model and Betty Crocker at the Same Time

  1. Kita says:

    I can't have it all say whaaaaaa. Lol but honestly I am happy with the way I am and after birthing 2 kids and my hubs is not happy then oh well. My hubs stomach is bigger than mines though….don't tell him I said it.

  2. nylse says:

    I'm confused by your analogy of the Proverbs 31 woman vs being Bill Gates, a stripper, etc..- you use the analogy of the Proverbs 31 wife, yet if you read it very carefully she was able to be a money manager, look good, take care of her family, her husband and children loved her, fed the poor, but she was able to do it with God's help not in and of herself. She recognized the importance of the role she had. She was a wise woman and she was kind – because she feared the Lord. Being a virtuous woman allows you to be a good wife; it provides wisdom to know how to manage the many roles that are part of being wife and mother without being detrimental to you and your family.
    i'll allow for the fact that i may have misunderstood your analogy.
    My recent post Is This My Life?

  3. Crash says:

    I know of a method to help you lose weight. Also, I believe this may be the most effective way to lose weight. This method is Intermittent Fasting. The way you do this is to go on a calorie deficit maybe around 1600 calories or whatever calories you currently take in and decrease that by 250-500 calories. The amount that you decrease is up to you. You can choose to fast for 16-19 hours around you busiest schedule, and schedule an "eating window" around your down time. For example, you decide to eat from 1pm-6pm and not eat for the rest of the evening, and fast for the next 18 hours. That would be your “eating window”.

    It’s most likely you will go to bed hungry, but you can drink ice cold water. Intermittent Fasting will be most effective at this point: when you sleep, your body will release cortisol into the system to target the fat around your belly, abdomen, and other areas. These people (Kevin & Keith) called the Hodgetwins have tried IF and claimed to be successfully able to burn fat.

    Before the Hodgetwins tried IF, they tried other methods to lose weight such as eating 6 meals a day and their body still didn't burn fat because they had energy when they slept. Also, you may experience what the Twins experienced, when lifting weights, you may feel a rush of energy on the reps, but suddenly feel fatigued. This means your muscles have lost its stored glycogen. You may think you have lost strength, but you haven't.

    Once you burn enough fat to get around your target weight, you can increase your calories back to maintenance and your muscles should have enough glycogen due to eating simple sugars. I have read comments on how people burned 10 lbs. in 2 weeks, etc. I will post the YouTube links to their IF channel and their Fitness Tips for Women channel. Everything that I have said can be verified from their videos. Keep in mind that this solution helps to burn fat. Basically, you just have to stop eating those 3-6 meals a day.

    Hope this will be of help, and good luck with your weight loss journey.

    Intermittent Fasting http://www.youtube.com/user/fastingtwins

    Fitness Tips for Women http://www.youtube.com/user/GETFIT4WOMEN

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