This is the first of many open letters to people who just don’t have common sense though claim to be so right about everything. My first target–men.
This letter was written out of sheer desperation, frustration and disgust at your constant stupid demands of us women on how we look, act, dress and just overall exist. In marriages today us women are held to a standard that most men can’t even think about obtaining nevertheless maintaining. You see women are supposed to move in the bedroom like a stripper, look like a model, cook like Betty Crocker, be a great mom like Claire Huxtable and manage money like Bill Gates. Where did I get these expectations you may ask? Of course I got these images from the many married men who I see all over social media talking about what their wives (and future wives) must do to keep (and get) a ring on their fingers. To add insult to injury, most of these men don’t even begin to possess any of the positive traits they want in their women.
At first when I saw these type of posts/updates/pictures on social media I would get mad and get into a typing battle with Mr.(Insert your husband/man/brother’s name). Then after a while I would roll my eyes and mutter, “man please” and go on about my day. But I think there has come a time where me as a wife has to address some of the foolish expectations men have of their wives and women in general.
As a wife we have a duty to the Proverbs 31 wife. That is a wife who is faithful, respectful, nurturing, fiscally responsible, healthy, resourceful, conscious of time, and possesses inner beauty. These are all traits that are sure to not only keep a woman happy but her family happy. In times before ours the majority of men respected a woman’s many responsibilities and “cut her slack” if she didn’t have on her sexy face every day.
However, today many men look at the outward appearance of their mates and end up having their wives trying to be everything but what they need to be—a good wife. Nowhere in Proverbs 31 does it ask for a wife to have all the superficial characteristics that some men put on us wives.
The other day I was staring in the mirror at my stretch marked stomach when my husband asked what was wrong with me. I mumbled that I needed to get rid of those marks. He looked at me like I was crazy and replied, “you can’t be perfect” and walked away shaking his head at my antics. Just that comment made me happy because my husband recognized that I can’t be perfect.
Husbands have to realize that having their wives wear too many “hats” can cause unrealistic standards that cannot be maintained. Right now there are wives who are trying to keep up a superficial reality to keep their husbands happy. There’s nothing wrong with looking good but when expectations are unrealistic it’s never healthy. When I first had my daughter in 2008, I was determined to lose the weight. I was working out two hours a day for at least an hour a day—all in an attempt to look good for my husband. Unfortunately I tore a muscle and almost hurt myself really badly. As I set in the doctor’s office and explained my foolish behavior both my doctor and husband and to let me know—I could not be perfect no matter how bad I wanted it.
In the end, there will be days where I can move like a stripper, look like a model, cook like Betty Crocker, be a great mom like Claire Huxtable and manage money like Bill Gates. But the reality is that there will be more days where I am the Proverbs 31 wife—and I’m fine with that.
What do you think do men put too much on women to wear all hats in a marriage?