Why I Won’t Whip My Children Anymore

My mother used to tell me that what works with one child, won’t necessarily work with the next one(s). Boy was she ever right. My oldest son is so calm and well composed that many times you won’t even know he’s in the house. For 8 years he was an only child so he learned to entertain himself–the two smaller children-not so much. My two youngest ones (4 and 2) are the exact opposite. You hear them from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed.  They routinely break things, talk with their mouths open and laugh over their own bodily function-they are normal kids. But with them being normal kids, there’s something in me that wants to control their behavior. You know make sure they’re “well behaved” children. So to help keep them in line, I’ve spanked them.

Up until this week, I was a fan of spanking their hand (or bottom) if they did something out of order.  You know when they decide to have a contest on who can throw my glasses the furthest. Or when they take my prized computer and I find them typing over an important document. But this week I got to thinking if spanking actually helps their behavior. Yes, they learn to be afraid when Mommy gets that “look” but do they really alter their behavior? Heck no, instead they are soon doing the same thing within 30 minutes of being punished. Let me give you an example. Last Tuesday, I was honored as Teacher of the Year (I’ll give you details on that later) and while I was in the program I could hear my two youngest making noises, talking loudly and crying–all during a formal program. I saw my husband take them to the back and then bring them back in. After about 30 minutes of sitting quietly they were back at it: bickering, yelling and running. I almost got mad but I began to think.

Is it normal for a 2 and 4 year old to have to sit through a 3 hour program and not lose it? Ummm..no. They were used to being at home, playing and doing homework not sitting through a boring program. After the program, the kids were still restless so they did what any good toddler would do–they began to play tag. Yes, I got frustrated mainly because I didn’t want people to think I was a “bad parent” but then  I remembered that they were kids and after sitting for 3 hours they were ready to play! So after “checking myself for a few minutes, I relaxed. Why in the heck do I care what some stranger thinks about how I choose to parent my children For the rest of the week, I sat an marinated on if spanking was helping my kids and as of today I decided to go against EVERYTHING I was taught.

I will not whip  my kids again. They don’t respond to it and they never learn a lesson from it. Instead my 2 year old (especially) starts to do what he was doing before he was spanked. I don’t want my kids to be afraid of me, instead I want them to respect me. So instead of spanking there will be a lot of time out, stern ‘talking to’, and removal of toys to control their rambunctious behavior.  So This will be quite an adjustment to my parenting style but I’m willing to do it.  I’m not getting “soft” but I’m evolving to a more informed parent. Now do you spank your kids? Holla if you hear me!

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Written by BossyGirl1980

Here I am 32 and accidentally a mother of three, naturalista, wife, business woman, budding socialite and self proclaimed “runnergirl”. Follow me on my journey of living the fab life while trying to maintain my sanity. In 2010 I lost over 30 pounds by embracing exercise and running as a pastime. This is your place for everything it takes to be a BossyGirl .

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About BossyGirl1980

Here I am 32 and accidentally a mother of three, naturalista, wife, business woman, budding socialite and self proclaimed "runnergirl". Follow me on my journey of living the fab life while trying to maintain my sanity. In 2010 I lost over 30 pounds by embracing exercise and running as a pastime. This is your place for everything it takes to be a BossyGirl .
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5 Responses to Why I Won’t Whip My Children Anymore

  1. Carlas mack says:

    We don’t spank our kids. We use time out and punishment hee recently. My son is 4 and he lives his games. Sooo his first punishment ever was a couple of days without outo it. To they learn what not to do and I don’t have too beat them. My daughter its 3 and she its more stubborn than my son. I’ve also had to tell other family members not to whoop mit kids and to put them in timeout.

  2. nylse says:

    good luck!
    you may need to rethink this stance based on some of the things they do. perhaps every offense does not warrant a spanking, but spanking can be the most effective punishment based on the offense.
    My recent post Soccer Shenanigans – Update

  3. Miranda says:

    I disagree with the commenter that spanking is ever an effective method of punishment. IMO, there are better ways to go about teaching lessons than corporal punishment. For starters, check out Positive Discipline. The idea is that there's a root cause for all behaviors (and yes, sometimes that cause is just that the child is, well, a child). But if you understand what causes your child to act out, you can head off the need for punishment at the pass. Heligirl.com is a great resource for learning more.

    I was spanked as a child, out of anger most of the time, in the heat of the moment. While mom would say "I love you…this hurts me more than you…blah blah blah…" all it did was make me fear her. Because of my own feelings regarding being spanked, I will not spank my kids. We count to five and usually, when we start counting he shapes up. Rarely do I get all the way to five. I count slowly and counting allows me time to cool my head before I lash out with my hand against his bottom.

    Good luck! You can do it!

  4. Janelle King says:

    Yeah I notice my four year old when you spank her she back to doing the same thing. So I notice when I say no snack or no play time she gets it better. I agree on the no spanking I have learned to adjust to that also and not care what others think. These are your children and you do what's best for your family.

    My recent post Wordless Wednesday Whoopie Pies

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